Infernal (7/10)

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A couple have a kid who is weird and can’t stop brushing her hair. Is she autistic, or the devil? Spoiler alert: It’s that second thing.

So this is basically a found-footage hipster version of The Omen. While not the most original idea, or even slightly original, it does a pretty good job of being creepy and actually works, for the most part. They really needed to cut back on the cricket sounds in the background though, really freakin’ annoying. No boobs but still worth a look.

Free Fall (6/10)

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So this chick who likes to kickbox works for Malcolm McDowell’s financial company and finds that he’s involved in embezzling from pension funds. Old Malc sends in a hired killer to take her out. She gets stuck in an elevator while escaping. No way for her to get out, no way for him to get in. And so forth.

Decent little thriller. Nothing super-special, but some of the elevator shenanigans were fairly original. Sarah Butler, playing the kickboxing chick, has some great moves in a short skirt, but keeps the boobs holstered.

Dreamland (5/10)

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A trashy white couple are driving through Nevada when they encounter UFO nuts, timewarps, a holographic WW2 soldier, a creepy ghost girl, and Alien Hitler. Weirdo super-low-budget sci-fi weirdness. Best line: “Elvis, isn’t he dead?”

So, I really have no idea what happened in this movie. Well, I have some idea, but it still doesn’t really make any sense. In any case, it was goofy enough to be sort of entertaining. Worth a watch I guess, but I watched it, so you probably don’t need to. And yet again, no boobs. What’s wrong with filmmakers these days?

Trucks (4/10)

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1997 TV movie adaptation of the same Stephen King short story that Maximum Overdrive was based on. Not nearly as horrifically and hilariously bad as MO, but still a goofy idea. Timothy Busfield is in this for some reason. Worth a watch for historical purposes if you have nothing better to do.