Aaah! Zombies!! (7/10)

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“Aaah! Zombies!!” is a movie that dares to ask the question, are zombies just regular people moving in slow motion? Yeah, I didn’t know that was a question either but, as it turns out, the answer is pretty amusing.

So, more accurately, a bunch of youngsters in the 50s get infected by a failed super-soldier serum that turns them into zombies. But, from their point of view, they’re fine and there’s something wrong with everybody else. Their slowed brain processes cause them to move and speak very slowly, which appears as brainless activity to uninfected people, while the uninfected people appear, to the zombie crew, to be moving extremely quickly. However, they appear fairly normal to drunk people, and are able to communicate with them. Oh, and they’ve also gained super-strength, near invulnerability, and a hunger for human flesh.

The zombie crew meet up with a soldier who is also a zombie-but-doesn’t-know-it who explains the situation (not entirely accurately) and offers to help them get to the bottom of the problem. Much zombie mayhem ensues, leading to a final confrontation between the zombie crew and the uninfected, but drunk, but soon to be sober, denizens of a bowling alley.

So, this was pretty amusing, had some decent gore, and featured the nifty gimmick of showing everything from the uninfected point of view in black and white (keeping with the 50s setting), but switching to color for the zombie POV. Also, you can’t really fault a movie that features a zombie bowling sequence set to “Take the Skinheads Bowling” by Camper Van Beethoven, even though there are no boobs.

Best line: “We’re zombies, not illegal immigrants!”

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The Mad (6/10)

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Billy Zane, with his obnoxious daughter, her boyfriend, and Billy’s annoying new girlfriend, go to a horrible country-themed bed and breakfast where they’re all having a lousy time, when people start turning into zombies from eating bad burgers and their lousy time gets even worse. Billy’s girlfriend gets killed and Billy, being a doctor, autopsies her. The daughter’s boyfriend gets his foot eaten, then he gets shot, then attacked by a CGI mutant burger patty, and then decapitated (spoiler alert). The restaurant’s cook and waitress team up with Billy and daughter to try to escape by distracting the burger-fed¬†zombies with swag, which proves not entirely successful.

So, you as you might have guessed, this is aiming for horror-comedy territory.¬†And it succeeds, for the most part. Billy Zane is very good with deadpan humor, and the scenes of him and his daughter working through their family issues while fighting off burgered zombies are pretty amusing. I mean, we’re not talking Shaun of the Dead here, but it’s a fun watch. Sadly no boobs, which sucks because the daughter is a hottie.

Best line: “Has your beef been acting strangely?”

Dreamland (5/10)

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A trashy white couple are driving through Nevada when they encounter UFO nuts, timewarps, a holographic WW2 soldier, a creepy ghost girl, and Alien Hitler. Weirdo super-low-budget sci-fi weirdness. Best line: “Elvis, isn’t he dead?”

So, I really have no idea what happened in this movie. Well, I have some idea, but it still doesn’t really make any sense. In any case, it was goofy enough to be sort of entertaining. Worth a watch I guess, but I watched it, so you probably don’t need to. And yet again, no boobs. What’s wrong with filmmakers these days?